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Growing Old

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Foxbody_front_image_max50

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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:


'And what do you think is the best thing

About being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

Unleash Your Mustang Side!
Foxbody_front_image_max50

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The nice thing about being senile is

You can hide your own Easter eggs.

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Foxbody_front_image_max50

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I've sure gotten old!  

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes

I'm half blind,

Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

Take 40 different medications that

Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia  

Have poor circulation;

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.


Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,

I still have my driver's license.

Unleash Your Mustang Side!
Foxbody_front_image_max50

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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

So I got my doctor's permission to

Join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,

By the time I got my leotards on,

The class was over.













Unleash Your Mustang Side!
Foxbody_front_image_max50

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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

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Foxbody_front_image_max50

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Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

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Foxbody_front_image_max50

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It's scary when you start making the same noises

As your coffee maker.

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Foxbody_front_image_max50

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THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

The eyesight to tell the difference.

Unleash Your Mustang Side!
Foxgo_max50

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The phsical issues we had and complained about when we were younger are less problematic as we become older! 

Mitch_max50

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I'm a great Senior


- I'm the life of the Party, even if it lasts til 9:00  :)


- I'm awake MANY hours before my body allows me to get up


- I'm smiling all the time, because I can't hear a word you are saying
Mitch_max50

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- I'm having trouble remember even simple words, like ... uh...

Mitch_max50

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I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, HOW could I be alive at 150??
Mitch_max50

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-  I'm a walking storeroom of facts, except that I've lost the key to the storeroom.
Mitch_max50

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Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school.  Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets.


One day Sam calls Abe and says, "I'll bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard.  A thousand bucks..."


Abe replies, "How can that be?  If you know anything about biology you..."


Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture.  Mine is longer soft than yours is hard.  A thousand dollars...  Yes or No???


Abe says, "Ok, Ok.  I'll take that bet.  How long is yours soft?"


Sam answers,  "Eleven years!"
Mitch_max50

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Love Making Tips for the Elderly:


- Put bifocals on, double check that you are with the right partner.


- Set alarm for 2 minutes, just in case you doze off in the middle


- Make sure 911 is on your speed dial before you begin, just in case...


- Write partners name on your hand, just in case you can't remember what to scream at the end
Mitch_max50

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There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,

And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie.

My hair's getting thinner, my body is not;

The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.


I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub, not Chanel #5;

My new pacemaker's all that keepps me alive.

When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,

But what was I doing 10 minutes ago?


Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?

I'm off to read the obituary, like a do every day;

If my names not there, I'll once again start-

Perfecting the art of falling apart.
Mitch_max50

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You know you're getting old when:


- Your friends compliment you on your new Aligator shoes, and you're barefoot


- Your doctor doesn't give you x-rays any more, he just holds you up to the light


- A sexy babe catches your fancy, and your pacemaker opens the nearest garage door


- You can remember when the Dead Sea was only sick


- Your wife says "Let's go upstairs and make love." and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both."


- Going  braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face


- You and your teeth don't sleep together


- Your pharmacist is your new best friend


- You give up all of your bad habits and you still don't feel good
Mitch_max50

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Age corresponds inversely to the size of your Multi-vitamin.


You get Mallzheimer's desease - you go to the Mall, but forget where you parked the car
Foxgo_max50

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Shoot,  I've got a number of those problems already!   LOL
Mitch_max50

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Dare I admit why I thought them funny?
Aryn_029_max50

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I have many of those issues! I feel about 90 today!
Mitch_max50

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Two things about getting old:


1)  You start to forget things easily...


2)  ....  ummm.... Uhhh...  Hmmmm....  damn forgot again
Mesimpsonhead_max50

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When You Get Old You start to think more about the


HERE AFTER



 


You walk into a room and stand there thinking


"What am I here after" ???????


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
'We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.' -Benjamin Franklin

'Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.' --John Wayne

Aryn_029_max50

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I also have the problem of a great idea and before you can put the pen to the paper or fingers to the keyboard it is long gone!
Mesimpsonhead_max50

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I had a pastor that called those "senior Moments"

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
'We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.' -Benjamin Franklin

'Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.' --John Wayne

Foxgo_max50

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You know your growing old when not only do you retire to the South but all your pieces parts head south! 
Mesimpsonhead_max50

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Her Sunday Newspaper

This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors. It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are!





"Where is my Sunday paper?!" the irate customer yelled into the phone when the newspaper office clerk answered.

"Ma'am?" the clerk replied, a bit confused.

"Where is my Sunday paper!?!" she repeated, even louder than the first time. "I only get one paper a week from you cretins, because it takes me that long to read it! And it's not here! Can't you idiots do anything right?!"

"Ma'am", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow -- on Sunday."

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition.

"Well, hell," she said, her voice finally calm. "So that's why no one was at church today."



 

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
'We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.' -Benjamin Franklin

'Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.' --John Wayne

Mesimpsonhead_max50

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You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.


-George Burns

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
'We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.' -Benjamin Franklin

'Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.' --John Wayne

Foxgo_max50

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You know your growing old when the most important thing next to your medications is a Nap!
Mitch_max50

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You know you're getting old when a 30 yr mortgage sounds like a clever scam.

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