InsideTech

Barry, dont you think it would be appropriate to ask Nuclear if his friend is a psycho? I mean what kind of normal guy will keep picking psychos for dates. I dont mean to throw a monkey wrench in the works but I'm just trying to be helpful.

I'm glad you showed up here Nuclear. I always enjoy your posts.

Since we don't have a definition of what "Psycho" was in terms of Nuclear's selection for a girlfriend.  I think he should ask himself why he keeps going back to a "similar" type of person.  Break the cycle (easier said than done)

Make a list of those qualities that made up the "Psycho's" you've been with;  then you know where you were.  After, ask yourself what you are looking for in the other person and discard those that don't come close. It takes time..and new locations for "fishing". 

Good Luck and Happy Hunting!

Hmm seems Brit humour doesn't travel well across the Atlantic.  Political Correctness gone mad I tell you! By mad I don't mean a sanity deficiency.

I was anticipating MB's reply.  My response was going to be  "But my friend Sigmund says his dating options are rather limited."

Sorry forgot in America you can only make fun of...actually you can't make fun of anyone because someone will be offended on their behalf.

I'll get my coat [Fast Show reference, probably banned in America]

 Enabler:

This was never intended as a reference to my wife or any ex partner.  You read too much into my post.  In the UK we have a magazine called Viz, absolutely sure it would be banned in America. It has fake letter and problem pages.

E.g.

"THERE HAS been a proliferation this summer of car stickers informing us that 'Dogs Die in Hot Cars'. Thanks to this advice, I saved £45 in vet bills when I had to have my alsatian put down when it got distemper."

or on the subject of mental wellbeing

Sometimes a joke or a feed line into a joke is nothing more than that. 

 Nah, we just prefered Canada Australia and India and don't forget that the Spanish and French did a lot of the spade work, plus in those days  your ancestors were, how can I put this tactfully, British. So it was the British kicked other British people out  based on a political philosophy informed by British thinkers. We like to think of it as an own goal and the King who caused all the kerfuffle was considered a foreign Johnny.  Bloody Hanoverians 

The oldest English ancester I can trace came over with Winthrop's fleet in 1635 to Boston coloney.  But then they were Puritans.  Definitely no drinking and no sex.  On the other hand, they did produce descendants.  How'd they do that?

And we Puritan descendants can laugh about it.  Christ's sake, but they were crazy.  And they did somehow manage to procreate, and, no doubt, without enjoying it.  LOL

But for the Catholic church "you're doing your duty" to procreate - they really don't think you should enjoy it.  Any there are approved rules for it, anything else is a No-No.  I was raised in a Catholic orphanage, they have no problem telling what you can and can't do.    This was before the 2nd vatican, so I don't know if they changed that.

Sorry not a decendant of the puritans, I'm a Heinz 57; half french (from Canada before it was Canada) and the other half Irish and Scottish(also from Canada).  So I have a dualism; One hand a tightfisted money watcher and the other half wants to fight and party!

Good one, Nuc, I guess the jokes on me. LOL

In saying the joke was lame I did not mean to infer that people who have difficulty walking are any less valued as members of society, that is unless you're a [removed by censor].

Dear Fellow Posters (?),

Due to an unfortunate accident that really was an accident, really! The censor will no longer be with us. You are now free to express yourselves any way you would like.

That is all.

Your Group Admin,

MustangBarry

PS It really was an accident, I swear he just ran into my machete...

 Dear Mustangbarry Groupie Admin

I was recently invited to a pool party.  I am concerned that due to my inability to swim I may look foolish to any Playboy Bunnies present when I turn up wearing water wings and a nose clip.

Is there any way to make this look sexy or should I just man it up and risk drowning on the basis that its worth it for a potential shag.

Wet and Wild in West Cumbria

P.S. How many times did the censor have to fall on the machete, I find it usually takes four!

TheNuclearOption says ...

 Dear Mustangbarry Groupie Admin

I was recently invited to a pool party.  I am concerned that due to my inability to swim I may look foolish to any Playboy Bunnies present when I turn up wearing water wings and a nose clip.

Is there any way to make this look sexy or should I just man it up and risk drowning on the basis that its worth it for a potential shag.

Wet and Wild in West Cumbria

P.S. How many times did the censor have to fall on the machete, I find it usually takes four!

Nuclear, I realize your requested advice specifically from Mustangbarry, but I shall nonetheless proceed to give some unsolicited advice on the matter you raise.  I'm know as Sartorius on another web site, and I feel a certain degree of competence in suggesting an alternative to looking the fool in the pool with water wings, nose plug, etc., or drowning. 

Since your main objective is to score some female companionship, may I suggest you avoid the pool all together and impress the young ladies with your impeccable taste in non-swimwear.  That is, I suggest you dress in your best bespoke Savile Row summer weight suit.  White summer-weight wool or a nice seersucker should do the trick.  And don't forget the bespoke shoes (natural brown or white).  That is the first thing the ladies will notice.  Once they've seen you in your full spendor, you will have it "made in the shade", as we Yanks like to refer to it, and you need never come close to the pool.

 Dear Enabler/Dry and Meek in Florida

I have decided to combine your most excellent advice with some minor changes.

I shall approach the pool in my finest Irish Linen suit, stroll to the pool bar, request a vodka martini, shaken not stared, take a Turkish cigarette from my antique silver cigarette case and then sit at the bar arching my left eyebrow at any passing bunny, which in the international sign language of seduction means as we all know "Hello there!", or as translated into Cumbrian "I'm gagging for a shag and not that choosey".

On finishing my cigarette I'll go to the side of the pool strip to my antigue silver swimming costume with the flemmish filigree detail and when no one is looking I'll kick a Picnic Bar (no Baby Ruths here) into the shallow end of the pool.

On hearing the first bunny squeel, I'll jump in, lift her lithe wet pulsating body out of the water and carry her to the side of the pool.

She'll then tell me that she only ever kisses men who are smoking not those that smoke and I'll confess it was really a chocolate cigarette, not a Turkish one.  On hearing the magic word of seduction that makes all women go weak at the knee "chocolate", we'll go on to spend an evening of Turkish Delight.

Wet and Mild in Cumbria

I hope you found this out through visual inspection or sense of smell and not by taking a bite out of it